Sympathy & Empathy are two twisted words that sometimes cross paths together. Someone who is unable to cope up with a loss, someone who is feeling down needs to have a support morally & needs sympathy. I’m going to spell it out guys. s-y-m-p-a-t-h-y. They feel lost, and they feel like they are not capable, not worthy of anything anymore and they feel lonely.
Empathy is when you don’t console someone who doesn’t need it in the first place and treat that person like you would want to be treated if hypothetically you were in that position. Its politically important these days to say “hypothetically speaking”, isn’t it? I’ve studied with someone who was handicapped. I promise you, I learnt it at the age of 10 that if someone is disabled, treat them like they are one among st you. Don’t write it bold letters on a card board and stick it out so that they can start thinking about it. Now having said that, I hope my words are not interpreted to over look the disability. When you are with a person who is handicapped and he wants to walk down the stairs, hold his hand and talk to him regularly, as a normal person. He knows what he is doing. He chose to walk,didn’t he? Don’t say things like “My God this is tough to do, that must be painful” “Be careful, be careful, BE CAREFUL!!” It were to be that guy, I’d shout “Shut your mouth else you’re gonna have to be careful too!”
Guys, a person who undergoes trauma, agony, pain in any form and comes out is someone with a spirit of life. They just came out of it with the idea of living, and facing the world. Don’t mellow that down. If I could use the Italian quote “what’s the matter with you?” with the hand motion I would do it. I’ve seen people sympathizing with someone who is well off and living without the slightest expression of the need for it. I love it when someone catches the bluff of another person who is showing sympathy for no reason. See the problem is they are so ignorant that they don’t even know that sympathy is not needed there. There was this guy who met with an accident and fractured his leg. His friends went to see him in the hospital and he was pretty relaxed and did not need any moral support whatsoever. He had the expression that said “Thank God I’m alive”. This friend of his walks up to him and starts galloping on sympathy. “Oh! I’m sorry that you had to face this mishap. It must have been terrible and I hope you get well soon.” [My friend who was on the hospital bed had the expression “Hope he stops it right there”, and he let a sigh out.] But alas, “I have always seen you as a good friend and I want you to know that we are here for you. Anything that you need, anything at all please brother let me know. I will be more than happy to do it. More than happy I tell you.” This next speech by the so called patient was short lived but it taught me a lot. ” Oh yeah? more than happy eh?? Well then I am in the mood to dance and since I cant, Dance for me! Dance right now. What happened Are you feeling shy? well if not then run down the hall and get me a sandwich cheese veg sandwich, and tell him not put any vegetables” The guy was back with the cheese veg sandwich and my fractured friend got another chance. Hey “Bro”, I need to use the restroom, Could you help me through it. The dumb ass got it at that point
So guys empathize and be smart when to do it. Emotionally intelligent will always have a upper hand on this one.
Hey there! This is one of the many times when I will be mentioning my brother on this blog. Tarun Chugani is my elder brother who is reserve, quiet, friendly, humble and simple and a perfect corporate employee. None of which I would add to my attributes. He is my support and he thinks so much for me. I get along with him really good, just for every now and then when there’s a “Difference of Fifa scores”.
The reason I wanted to write this blog is I remembered that I work with my brother in the same company. Now that’s not what everybody gets to do. We joined an MNC together on 16th June 2010. We both went through the rounds and got through. Now let me paint you a picture about my brother and graffiti about myself. As I said reserve, quiet, friendly, humble and simple and a perfect corporate employee. So my brother is a regular nice guy. Climbing the corporate ladder and being successful is definitely on his agenda. Now here comes the messed up part. He goes to the office with a brother who is a gallivanting, hyperactive, disturbed, distracted excited guy who thinks he can dance.
Now that’s not a pretty sight when your brother is walking all proper and patiently and being the nice guy in the office, and you are this guy people say “hey, what do you eat for breakfast?” “Duracell?”
The very first day my brother was excited but he would be subtle about it. You could see it in his eyes that he respected and was happy to be in an office rather than being in his home town. Our first day together is a memory which is not going to fade for a long time. We walked into the office campus and looked at the 14 storey building and I thought, “Wow! How long did it take to build this one?” My brother had the look in his eyes that said “My God this is nice”.
We walked in and he saw the access swipe beeper and smiled when he swiped his card against it. It got me a little excited too. He then looked at all the busy people in the office, giving instructions, telling each other about meetings, people walking into training rooms. He whispered, this office is really nice. We walked into the break out area and I put my brother to shame. He was subtle the whole while and he does not get embarrassed easily. All I did was shout out, out of instinct, with managers around, in suits with other trainees “Look Bro Free Coffee!!!”
There are these awkward moments that happen with me because I’m smaller in size than others. I studied in a boy school. I remember being the jester of the class too. The Class clown would have been me if we ever had one. I remember this one time when I got into a fight. When I was back in school, I was comparatively microscopic. Figuratively. This hefty boy started picking on me and he started to throw his weight around. [Thank God I didn’t catch any]. Everyone started to round up as if the next “Rocky” is in the making. But I know that I’m no hero. I’m not that guy who would defeat a fat guy and get acclaim. I used to be the most active kid around. Dances, Debates, Drama, school band those were my cups and saucers of tea, if you may.
I took a minute and I thought of an escape route. I was the kinda kid who would get pretty out of control if I were in a hostage situation. It’s very difficult to tie me down if I decide to fight it. I stood straight like a young man, and looked right into his collarbone. Then looked up and told him
“Dude, seriously, I am not your enemy.
We’ve been classmates for 8 long years”. [I was a very small Tony Montana in action].
I then bent down and grabbed his ankles and tugged them as hard as I can. Down came the mountain and all I remember now is a thud and me running as hard as I could with laughter and mockery fading in the distance.
My life is filled with awkward moments. When you see certain moments that you don’t want to be a part of, you wave as they pass by. But you always see awkward moments and they get to you, no matter how hard you try. We were once in class after regular hours for a special exam preparation and some nut headed student was swearing at the top of his voice. I did not pay much attention at his voice. Then very quickly he swore out things about his friend’s immediate family and its whereabouts.
I suddenly hear the class erupting in laughter and hysterical laughter that makes you join in. The sad thing about this event is that when I quietly wanted to ask my friend “What happened”, ironically the class’s laughter just died. My very good friend’s remark “Dude, you were laughing without knowing what happened”, brought the laughter back to life. I’ve always had humour in my life. It’s either by my side, or staring in my face laughing at me. Probably that’s the reason I laugh when someone makes a joke about me. Or why I suck at hitting on girls and flirting. 🙂
A very good whatever to whenever you happen to read this. I have no pre-blog announcements to make, so I’m gonna get right to the point. These are thoughts that happen to clutter my head and make me wonder “Did I study all through Teenage, college and at that young age for this?”
Firstly what’s with the huge words when someone starts talking. I’ve been working in a cubicle for over 2 years. I always knew that there was a serious “Aura” about a corporate office. But ever since I started reading George Carlin I happened to realize the amount of words that are used, misused & overused whenever someone talks for no reason is abundant. I was at a meeting and there was this person, very high in the corporate grid, and by that I mean he was my manager [I mean he is so high if he spits, I’ll be seeing showers] and his speech goes like this.
“Gentlemen, I’ve been noticing the behavioral tendencies of certain individuals. There have been numerous situations when an individual has had the chance to step up and show the capacity to take up responsibility. I’ve seen that a few people refuse to participate in the happenings of the process. I want to indicate that priorities are of utmost importance in our field and the proactive initiative is the first prerogative. There will not be any tolerance in putting up with bad behavior or complacency. Furthermore there is a project that we will be commencing here on and the monitoring procedure will take effect the next working day“
Now, wasn’t that just some stupid usage of big words.
If I were the manager at this place and I say the same that the above person mentioned, I would have said
“Hi Folks, someone is not doing justice to their work. I want all to know that you are being watched and for your own sake, do well.”
The words put together such as behavioral tendencies is just plain old dumb. The next sentence is not even required. The line “I want to indicate that priorities are of importance in our field.” is like the 6th rule of Einstein. Really! I don’t even want to complete interpreting the rest of the speech. They use English so badly that they even use politically correct words. Handicapped is differently-abled. Short men are Inch Deficient. Blind are visually challenged. Deaf are audibly challenged. And Fat people are MacDonald Challenged. I don’t know why do people take out the meaning of the real word. I have lots to talk about. So you better read again.