Open Letter. Why wait!

Dear Person-purchasing-express-card-to-avoid-waiting-in-line-at-Theme-park,

I applaud you. While the rest of the world save up to visit a theme park to have fun once every 250 days, there a few, quite a few who don’t even consider saving up to go the theme park. Amongst the ones that do visit a theme park, there are a few who pick and choose what they can afford to churn out memories from, others don’t have to choose and can visit every ride offered, eat from any outlet available to relish their time.

But I’m not in awe of them. I’m in awe of you. You, who can manage to not only pay four times the price to go through all the rides available, you also manage to do it without waiting in line.

You deserve better than waiting in line. Of Course! You’ve worked hard and have been living like a rich person right before entering the theme park. You are entitled to go around the theme park like the rich kid in the yard who gets the turn because he comes in a car to school.

You don’t deserve to stay dry and wet and dry and wet and stay more dry than wet in a theme park. You’ve paid more to stay more wet than dry. Again and again and again! Waiting is for peasants. You don’t have to deal with telling your friends, “Wait for me! Let this couple go. We’ll go together…”

I applaud the fact that you can go down the same water ride as many times you can and hence make it like an appliance in your house. The best thing about the express card is that you get a different colour wrist band. You don’t deserve to be amongst equals. Who are these villagers who dare to expect you to wear the same colour wrist band. Who do they think you are?
Don’t let them bother your fun and enjoyment. While we chose between a full meal or a beverage and more rides, you are entitled to having all of it.

In fact I think you’ve had enough. You should not be a subject to vicious eyes filled with wrath fall upon your tender loins… errr (scratch that) fall upon your back. You should have a theme park that only you could afford to go to. People who wait in line should not be even in your eye-sight so that you can bask in the stature that you are truly entitled to.

Your’s Sincerely,

Asticketh Uptheeass

Questions only

who was the first person ever to think of lifting things with toes? Is there a possibility it was a cripple? Should it have not been just crippled who should be doing that? Why don’t we have a way to listen to music on two-wheeler vehicles like we have for cars, without the use of earphones? Is it possible that our generation being the first to use earphones have not yet deciphered the harmful effects of it? Is it natural to laugh at dark jokes? How dark is too dark? Do you think Satan is looking at the earth and getting Hitler jokes and has a leader-board of the best ones? Is it bad if you get molested and don’t get scarred by it for life? What if you were the only one to know you were molested and it doesn’t harm you? What if you only look at it like a bad memory?

Who do you think Grandma finds attractive? Is there a reason why selfie sticks are not seen as transformer golf clubs? Who do you think would win in a Ronaldo vs Messi joke off? Do you remember Grosso’s equalizing goal for the world cup? Do you remember your mother taking you around the sink and teaching you how to brush your teeth? Whatever happened to Talpe? Did you always win in “Guess Who” because you memorized the personalities and their positions?

Why do they say that a fox married a crow when it rains and is sunny at the same time? Did the fox consider any other option? Is the crow being punished? How much dowry?

Why was there such a huge cry for MJ once he was gone? Why wasn’t there a huge cry when ‘This is it’ was on? Do you think Michael was the way he was because he was molested?

Why do people not dance more?

Comedian’s thoughts with BGM

(In Bruges sound track till that real nice part that you listen and take a deep breath)

I was wandering alone in my room,
Not because I’m intellectual, but because I have Alzheimer’s.
Too Dark.
I took a sip of my coffee and looked out my window.
There was construction going on and someone was waiting.
I knew he was waiting because, ‘Honk! Honk!

(The best part of “I can feel it coming in the air tonight”)

I go have my shower and walk out of my shower naked,
Because I live alone and I’m awesome that way.
I wear my favourite watch and open my laptop.
I still had some unfinished business.
I hit escape and then it all starts again.
Still naked.

(EA Sports It’s in the Game)

I score. I try celebrating.
Same celebration, EVERY SINGLE TIME.
I can hear the tap dripping in the sink.
I walk up to my gas and get a cup of coffee when my phone rings.

(Mere Chana hai apni marzi ka, marzi ka bhai marzi ka)

I think Al Pacino would be great in Dilip Kumar’s role in that movie.
The exact same thought came to me when I assigned that ringtone
I sip coffee and then go play a game again. Baryen Munich 4- 0 Manchester City.

(I’ll be there for you when the rain starts to pour)

When will I ever stop watching friends

I used to hate Justin Bieber

As a teen or even in my early twenties, I used to hate Justin Bieber. I never followed him. I never used go out of my way to say bad things about him, but I would put up this front that I hate him and his music.

And then one day I heard Never Say Never. I loved that song. For the longest time I’ve only heard that song of Justin Bieber. I still love it.

Recently I’ve grown this sense of acceptence to Justin. I mean I thought about it and if you, as far as your memory goes back, can only remember people shouting your name, then you’d have a different sense of life altogether too. I came to terms with the fact that I would have been much worse if I were to ever get fame at that age. I don’t think I would have lasted.

I’m not saying I like his music now. I still love “never say never’ but now I don’t really have this hate against him.

The roast was a nice move. A gesture that I really adored. A funny guy, who can take a joke and who can poke fun at others too.

I think in the next decade if Justin Bieber makes good music then I’m definitely going to be a fan.

I’m glad I had nothing to blog today so I could sit down and this realiztion to surface.
I hope someday I can find a song that I love as much as Never Say Never, of Justin Bieber

Cheers Justin!

He really knows his onions. He should buy toothpaste though!

I recently heard this phrase.
You know this guy really knows his onions. That is a legitmate phrase that has ring to it. Some jokes just right themselves. This one is written by me.
I mean do you think they came up with other vegetables before they locked on onions. It would have been interesting to see a few groups fighting for their vegetable
to be the taker of the phrase. It would have boiled down to two men trying to prove a point about some knowledgable person and battling it out to prove if he knew his onions or his plums.

That would have been an amazing phrase. He knows his plums. It can be phrase. It should be phrase. It is in the vicinity of being a phrase. I think somewhere this phrase is waiting for it’s chance to exist. I would want to live in world where someone really knows their plums.

My point here is onions are a little too common for not enough people to know them. If you say “John really knows his plums, half the people would turn around and say, well, I certainly don’t. John must really know his plums.

I want to start a whole range of these..

Like if someone knows a lot about romance, you’d say, Sid really knows his avacadoes
Someone was an expert in seduction, you’d say Andriana knows her olives alright!

We should have more of these when it comes to someone knowing what they really know.

What if someone knows a lot about onions and hates it because he’s been around it for so long, can you still say He knows his onions!

send me a reply on chugani.shankar@gmail.com if you want to know if I know my onions or not…

You made my day!

I think this phrase is taking out the happiness of giving. I don’t have anything against the phrase per se but hey! Sometimes people do things that make more than just your day.

Alright!
I mean here you are planning a birthday surprise by getting your friend’s favourite singer to send a personal message and he’s singing a song, impromptu, for your friend while blowing kisses and you’re watching the video “live” as he’s walking towards you on a beach and a sea gull from across the oceans brings a goodies bag, holding it between its beaks. The goodie bag has a playstation, game of thrones extras DVD, some cup cakes, a cheese cake and a some amazing cold coffee and one the other side a bunch of over enthusiastic, under rehearsed dancing friends are doing a flash mob and you get the whole finale to yourself and all you can say is “Thanks Guys! You just “made my day”!”
You made my day should be for the times when you get the perfect breakfast at the perfect time when you’re in just waking up from bed.
That will just, “make your day”
You get the point though right!

Gig#1 Indigo Live Music Bar on 12 July 2015

This is the first gig that I’m writing about. It started slow with 6 people in the audience and all them getting agitated by the minute very rightly by the fact that we did not start on time. I got to go first up as soon as the host went up. A mentor and a fellow Comic, Praveen Kumar looked at me and told me you will do well. I can see it. Go have fun.

I went up and it was so intimate and nice that my set went well. I got to have fun on stage and that could be seen. I did not record my set but when I came down. Praveen looked at me with the expression “My Man!”

I’m glad each gig that goes by is so much fun. I never thought I’d love performing stand up so much.

Punya started her set and went on the get the biggest applause of the night yet. Just to be caught up by the Theatrical Sumukhi and not to forget, the last mega bomb of the show was Utsav who had a very strong ending.

Punya’s act has always been very well put together.
Sumukhi’s was the most expressive.
Utsav has always been the most vivid and entertainingly loud.

I’ve watched Kritarth grow into this comic who will get the last laugh. He does his bits and he works very well. He makes it seem effortless.

So overall. These were to awesome people I performed with at the show.

(PS- Naveen Richard was in the house laughing his ass off. {After the show})