Raise Gentlemen

Dear Son,

You will not abuse power. Your ego is not bound to your manhood. When the time is right, you will have the urge to have sex. It’s something you shouldn’t be ashamed about. But you will not put your pride on the fact that you had sex at a certain point in your life.
Establishing dominance, cat calling and pride in being able to have sex when the other person isn’t ready or has said has nothing to do with you being a man. Understand chivalry. Understand that the more you believe in the fact that having sex or losing your virginity has nothing to do with your dignity.

You will not put your ego, on the line. Firstly, try not to have an ego. But if I mess up as a parent and you end up having an ego, keep it to yourself. Don’t take it out and whip it around. There is no mid way to being a gentleman. I’ll repeat that, son.
There is no mid way to being a gentleman. You will honour the fact that the girl you are with has said no and not take that for granted.

Don’t do it, son. Don’t listen to the voice of ego and assume that it’s only fair because you feel entitled. You are not entitled to anything. I hope this is the second and last line that I have to repeat. You are not entitled to anything!
Man up, walk away and let me not hear about even one incident of any violence of personal space, both physical and mental.

You’ll fall while learning about life and your self-confidence should probably be there throughout your life. But don’t prove it, you don’t have to show anyone that you are able to. Believe in yourself. Don’t be pathetic.

Now before I go on ranting about the incidents that triggered this letter, I better stop. I’m sure you’ll have tools to find out about it. So one last time… You are not entitled to anything. You believe in yourself and don’t have your ego on the line at any point. Be a gentleman. If I’m going to be drinking when you read this, let’s have some alcohol, else a cup of chai for me and let’s talk…



It could have been worse…


1000697_10151687303124334_1057061257_nI used to teach dance to kids during after-hours in college. It used to get late. Sometimes, the last bus would leave without me. I had hitch a ride back home or walk for 5 km. I chose to ask for a lift most of the times. I had just danced for 4 hours. I was starting to lose weight.

This one time, a middle age man stopped to help me. I got on his bike and we started talking. Over the next few minutes I gathered he is a relative of close friend of my Dad. I began to talk for the rest of the ride. By the time we reached the place where I live he knew that I had to take a bus the next morning, to which he added that he is also travelling to my home town and the fact that my brother and my cousin who live with me were not in town.

He offered to drop me to the bus stop the next morning. I had my bag packed that I would take and go home. We had dinner and I thanked him for being nice. After a hearty meal we went to his place. He in fact shared a few stories of Dad and his cousin.

He wished me Good Night and went to bed. I was reading a book and soon enough I dozed off to bed too. A while later I felt his moustache against my cheek. I couldn’t move. I froze. I couldn’t believe how stupid I had got to have trusted a stranger. He began to move his leg over me and whispered, I’ve had a few drinks and I’m sorry. I should have made a move but I only remember being very scared. He went on. He went down on me and it reached a point where I had to snap and get up. I remember thinking, I can’t get up beyond this point. It’s now or never. I did. Before he could say anything I remember rushing to the bathroom. I cried. I cried, a lot. I was abusing myself for being naive.

I saw his toothbrush and began scrapping his toilet with it. I kept it back. I gathered courage, stepped out the bathroom and said, “You stay away from me.”
I picked my bag and ran. I reached the main road and I sat down and I cried again. Did I just get molested? Was I stupid enough to not stop it? Did I mention that he kissed me? I felt like I couldn’t go any lower.

I told my parents. I was afraid to tell my brother. I couldn’t tell my brother because I felt most stupid in front of him.
My parents told my brother. He walked up to me, asked me for this person’s house and marched right in with me and my cousin, Sujay. At this point I must add Sujay is over 6 feet tall and me and brother stand at 5′ 5″.
He began hitting this man. It didn’t occur to me until later that I could have been in condition that was far worse than I was in. I felt glad that my brother stood up and kept hitting this man. This middle aged man who was apologising. I could only feel disgust.
That day my brother was taller than my cousin.
I guess all I’m trying to say is, I was naive and I wished I was more careful in trusting someone but more importantly and Thank you Tarun Chugani for making it easy for me to not let this episode become a big part of my life.

(PS :- Sujay Mehbubani, the other guy also kicked his ass)